Intro
When I first embarked on the grueling journey of preparing for JEE, the thought of starting college seemed like a distant future, one were Indore would have become a metro city, where I would be grown and mature, and would be unrestricted and independent. But it started and ended the same way: In my room with my laptop. It goes without saying that these years have been the dullest years of my life.
Early days
When a kid steps into the 11th grade after acing their 10th board exams—feeling on top of the world and looking down at it with a head bigger than the Earth—they believe that without subjects like Hindi and social studies holding them back, they can fully focus on what they excel at: the sciences. They start contemplating whether to aim for IIT Delhi or Bombay. Well, that kid wasn’t me. I scored 88% in 10th grade and had a reality check about IIT just by glancing at the limited number of seats available, but still, I had my fair share of expectations.
You see, I was pretty good at physics, enjoyed mathematics, and could manage chemistry. With my inflated ego clouding one eye and coaching classes obscuring the other, I assumed it would be a piece of cake. “I’ll easily cross the 150+ mark without studying,” I thought. This disillusionment wouldn’t dissipate until the middle of 12th grade. I resorted to various forms of circular reasoning and mental acrobatics to convince myself that this low score was just a one-time anomaly or that I simply needed to study harder.
This is the veiw I had for 5 hours every day for 2 years
I toiled tirelessly during 11th grade, working harder than ever before in my entire life. I woke up at 6 a.m. for school, studied for seven hours, rushed home with barely 15 minutes to eat and get ready for five hours of coaching, scarfed down a meal by 9:30 p.m., and still managed to squeeze in another one to two hours of self-study until 11 p.m. The grind was all too real, especially during school exams when I found myself frantically covering three chapters I had never laid eyes on, resorting to rationing my water breaks and meal times.
Reality hits hard
There was this small break when 12th grade started, the Manali trip, you know? I thought it would be a much-needed respite, a chance to recharge my energy and regain my health. But guess what? It had the complete opposite effect. It left me even more drained and worse off.
To be fair, 12th grade was somewhat better in terms of school hours. Plus, later in the year, I managed to apply for dummy, which gave me more time to study. But let me tell you, nothing shatters your confidence and humbles you like scoring a measly 105 out of 300 on a test that you poured your heart and soul into.
As time went by, my expectations plummeted. At first, I hoped for a score of 190, then I settled for 180, and eventually, I even thought 150 would do. But it became painfully clear that I was nowhere close to getting into an NIT or IIT.
I always considered myself smart, and I still do. But when I see people like Vedant, who are lightyears ahead of me, mentally solving problems that I’ve just started to grasp, effortlessly telling me which page of which book the answer is on, it tells a whole different story. These folks operate on a whole other level. I mean, I know IQ doesn’t mean everything, but I’m in the top 2%ile, for crying out loud! It’s incredibly rare for me to not grasp a concept after a quick glance or two. But there’s a whole different realm beyond that—where they already know or deduce a concept just by glancing at its name.
I used to believe I was a genius, but now that I’ve seen these people, I know the truth. I’m not a genius. At least not when it comes to this stuff.
What’s both amusing and disheartening is that even these exceptional individuals didn’t manage to secure a spot at a top-tier IIT or get into the CSE program at a lower-ranked IIT. And here I am, with my clueless self, expected to somehow achieve that? It’s absurd.
School used to be a place where I felt confident about my abilities, but even that got ripped away from me. The coaching classes are light years behind the school curriculum. And when you attend a lecture after a school exam or a practical, only to find out that people like Manraj know more than you do, it feels like you want to leap off a cliff. Failing to score well in school exams, resorting to cheating in a desperate attempt to meet expectations, and eventually getting caught—those were the lowest points in my entire journey.
Farewell and Boards
Well, I suppose when you’ve hit rock bottom, nothing that happens to you can be worse than what’s already occurred. The Farewell event provided a brief respite, specially when eating momos with jay is the highlight of your month. I told you life was dull. Being an introvert, I never truly believed that anyone at school genuinely cared about my presence (which is to be expected when you’re absent for an entire year). Nevertheless, it felt surprisingly good to be surrounded by people for once. I even had the opportunity to deliver a speech, and that was a pleasant experience.
Of course, immediately following the Farewell came the practical exams. Physics, IP, and Math weren’t too demanding, but I completely flunked the Chemistry viva. I had to resort to sneaking out of the lab and rushing to the washroom to hastily tear out pages from an old practical file. With only one person remaining for the viva, I surreptitiously copied the answers as the ticking clock mocked me. I also had to ask TJ sir for a favor and retrieve a chit I had passed to someone during the practical.
By that time, I had already attempted JEE once, and it was a complete disaster. Everyone had been anticipating the April attempt, but NTA shattered all expectations by announcing the exam dates a mere 15 days in advance. There’s a fine line between foolishness and sheer incompetence, and NTA managed to snort that line while making the decision. Consequently, things weren’t looking too bright for me. I would lose the entire month of March to the board exams and then instantly jump into JEE attempt 2.
Speaking of the board exams, they went decently. Physics was abysmal, and I only managed to scrape through Chemistry thanks to the help of Bharat Panchal sir. On the other hand, my performance in Maths was stellar. Considering it was my very first board exam, I suppose I did reasonably well, securing an 89%. As for JEE, well, it was a disaster. I somehow managed to perform even worse in my second attempt compared to the first—how does that even happen?
Exams
By this point, I had already endured a relentless series of exams—JEE, VITEE, SRMJEE, UGEE, COMEDK, and BITSAT. But these last few months truly hold the power to shape your college destiny. You could have slacked off all year, yet if you excel in these crucial months, you can easily secure a spot in a private college. On the flip side, if you stumble, fail to navigate the counseling process effectively, you’ll end up like Rininki. She toiled harder than anyone I know for as long as my memory serves, and still ended up with a lesser branch than me. It’s utterly perplexing, really. These months might very well have been the most critical period of my life thus far.
JEE, VITEE and BITSAT exams
What I did get right was taking every exam and participating in every counseling session. Yet, there’s a lingering feeling that perhaps I could have done better. However, dwelling on it serves no purpose.
Honestly, I genuinely believed I would pass UGEE. I poured my heart and soul into it, but evidently, it wasn’t enough. I overestimated my abilities, assuming I would breeze through since it’s reasoning-based. Don’t get me wrong—I achieved a decent score, but it fell short of the cutoff. Well, as they say, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Now, let’s talk about Manipal. This is where things get interesting. I stumbled upon this exam randomly, as it wasn’t originally on my radar. Nevertheless, I decided to give it a shot. The exam itself wasn’t particularly challenging—it felt like a step below the Boards. I managed to score 94 in my first attempt and thought, “Well, there are more exams to come.” However, when the time came for the second attempt, I had already made up my mind to join SRM. I had secured a pretty good seat there, paid the fee, and all that jazz. Consequently, I didn’t approach the Manipal exam with the same level of urgency. It was more like, “Okay, let’s just give this one a shot too.” Sure, with a little more effort, I probably could have obtained a better branch, but the sheer exhaustion and burnout I experienced during that period overshadowed any such thoughts.
If you take a step back and analyze my situation, you’ll realize that I had an exam practically every week since January. Sustaining a 12-hour study routine for five months straight is no laughing matter. It can literally drain the life out of you if prolonged. The bottom line is this: I did whatever I could, and I got whatever I could. There’s no point in ruminating on it any further.
Fin
Damn, it’s finally here. The ‘future’ is just a few days away. College life awaits, promising new friendships, a ripped physique, an endless parade of beautiful women, and the satisfaction of completing more badass projects. I crave the freedom that comes with it. But who knows, maybe it’ll turn out as mundane as my dreaded JEE preparation.
One thing that’s been gnawing at me is the thought of living alone. I mean, seriously, the only time I’ve been away from a family member was that lame school trip way back in 3rd grade. But hey, let’s see how it all pans out. Life has a way of sorting things out, right?